Friday, November 12, 2010

please don't be an ignorant mother


What I WISH to tell you all, may sound very common to others. But as for me, it was real heartbreaking for a mother. A sheer act of ignorance and of course ‘selfishness’ is the best interpretation. Decide yourself viewers, how you wish to define or translate.

Whether you would accuse me of being braggart, showing off or whatever, you have all the rights by all means!  But do, read this first!

Here is a good example of a mother who is damn selfish and of course, ignorant! For throughout my  life, before this,  not even once I tried to share or explored my youngest daughter’s dreams or ambition, or what she wished to become in her future. Why? Because she’s the most loved baby of mine! Any ambition would means a  career.  And having a career would mean, she could be  pulled away from my side.

I'm probably not as concerned as my late husband about the children’s welfare, education-wise. In fact, I was less concerned about myself too. I was kind of complacent Malay woman. A   kinda category that would always be satisfied  with what  she has. And to me, showering them with love was more important. Surpassed  everything else including their education. So,  I let them did as they please.

I wasn't that all in and out about my children's education , since my concern was more on providing them with love, cares and other material needs. Tuition-wise, I'd send them if they wish me to do so and hardly would forced them  should they opt not to attend them. But fate was beautiful and most of them were always eager to learn. And beautiful still was the fate, when most of them managed to get straights A's for their prime exams and each one of them  made it to the ivory towers. One of them even ‘lompat kelas’

It’s so happened that when my husband demised. I got too close with the youngest. I treated her overly until she became too spoiled. As consequence, she never appreciated the money or things given to her , even when it came to food. She’s showered lavishly. And makan-wise, only savor on special menus.  But I like  her principle, which is,  never trust anyone  else other than me the loving momma!

She would sleep in my arms otherwise she could not sleep, despite being 12 years of age! And eating , I still spoonfed her! She never did her school works either.  But  never did I nag or bother her in return. If I had to go anywhere might it be out of the country or outstation, I would never hesitate to  bring along her. Even that would mean she had to skip classes for so many days. God! I didn't want her to be so successful afraid she might go far to further her studies. Or for other opportunities held for her.

Now, it’s standard 6

Once she asked me, momm aren’t you going to send me for tuition? My result are hell worst.”

I told her, it’s okay with me  if there was anybody  willing to send her to and fro the tuition premises since I ‘m myself is very  busy. I wouldn't  mind paying extra amount  should there be anyone interested to carry out that task for me. She retorted, "it does not matter, since the school also provides tuition." So things went on as usual. Like the conversation never occurred.

In the meantime she was often called by her teachers for truancy, and she rarely did her home works. Even  myself was being contacted and asked by her teacher to observe her studies and school works . As you could  guess, I did not really bother. And just let that incident  passed  . Wasn't that important anyway. After all, we would surely part if she pandai sangat!

But one or two months before her UPSR I noticed she never missed her additional class and tuition at school. Although she hardly hold a book when at home. She told me, her teachers methode of teaching were getting more and more interesting. I dengar tak dengar saja.

But on the first day of UPSR’s exam, before climbing down the car to sit for her first day exam she said in a trembling voice

"Mom, can you pray for me. I'm afraid if I can’t get thru this exam. But I already did the solat hajat and doa. . Pray for my success momm please?" She said that many times as she grasped my hand so tightly. She really was scared!

I was dumbfounded, and so nodded. Because to be honest, I scantily prayed for her to achieve well in her exam other than praying for her good life and health and to be a good Muslim. As for her UPSR, langsung tak terjamah doaku!

So while driving home, I was weeping so badly, everytime her pleading voices touches my eardrum again and again. Then only I realized that I was wrong, was ignoring her in the UPSR focus. Realized the damage I had  done.

Ever since that moment and day, I would be tearful and kept weeping when my impulse recalled all those words she said. God, if it is just too late,  how I wished  semalam menjadi milikku semula .

SO TODAY, this morning while I was waiting for the results of the UPSR, I grabbed the hands of one of the teacher, the one my daughter really sayang and told her that I was afraid she could not make it. and yes, I couldnt ’t help my tears from dripping. I wept infront of her. I wasn't afraid of her being a flunk. But afraid she would blame me for years,  for not putting  much interest in her study.

But GOD IS GREAT, to my shock, her name was second to be announced as achiever of the stunning result!!

I'm speechless! Flabbergasted!!

God I screamed dgn muka tak malu kat org lain and ran to her seat. Seeing her face wet with tears I rasa nak pitam and at that time, I noticed who she really was in my eyes, the most shining 'mutiara dari laut plg dalam' . She’s the most beautiful, most spoiled, most soothing to my heart.  And I LOVE HER TO THE DEEPEST ABYSS IN MY HEART.

GOD she had succeeded! Succeed with the permission of God, the greatness of her trained teachers and on her own. And my very small portion of prayers. .

I'm ashamed of it! Ashamed for not being a part of her phenomenal success, or WAS I….

Please all mothers out there..dun be like me!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

FRAGMENTS of yesterday

had a dream about you last night

vision of you stood up there

waving me with longing gaze

I looked above. . marveled at the abruptly visible lunar

Dark tarnished sky was gone

nite luminous with twinkling stars

wondered was the moment real?

standing over a distance ~ was you

The breeze whispered the words that you missed me

God how mellifluous the sound was to my ears..

I stirred closer

only to see you backed away

“this world is a no home for me

thus I could not remain behind

Dwell not over the past,

irrespective how full your heart of loves for me

Wherever there’s horizon, there’s always be

a part of me there

we bound to meet again..till then

make me happy by beaming to your heart..

You moved away, and left me staring at the bleary vision

you're becoming more and more out of reach

drifting away  amidst the darkness

then your frail illusion

faded before my teary eyes

tell me, sayang

Just.. where  do  I belong

In this world without you
God help me..

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Aura Wanita Malaysia

Me..a real flabbergasted momma ..
There's this lad. One of many,   I picked him coz he's the smartest looking compared to the rest.  And he's from across the sea.  Well.. sure can interpret what I mean,. This one keeps on messaging me. And the despicable part is that the act is done throu my FB inbox. He really adds the amounting figure and heaven knows how I hate opening the inbox, alwez feel threatened by the amount which keeps on amounting no matter how frequent you delete'em.  A real menacing fact to face everyday. And to this lad,   I told him to call a halt to his pursuing.  And this lad's favourite remark that's really annoying is,
 Mba kuingin mengenalimu lebih dalam, hatiku tersentuh sekali dengan mba yg begitu enak kupandang. Enak?
 What am I to him?   What kind of expression is that?  Do I look like  Nasi Lemak Sambal Sotong Kering to him?  That is torturous enough. Real excruciating..damn!  Especially when it's a citation  from someone as childlike as him. He's scantily over 24! Why youngsters from that region loves blathering weird remarks like that and at the same time revealing the naive trait in their personality.  Perhaps not all, but still it ain't modest to keep on approaching someone older with remark like that.  Ain't that so?
So tak tahan, I fikir biar I settle this once and for all.
"'re fit to be my son, quit what you are doing now.  Tak manis dan mba rasa tak selesa. Quit sending me love poems too for it's really bothering dan tak manis utk kanak-kanak seusiamu."
"Sy justeru bukan kanak-kanak spt yg mba katakan."
"Awak muda sangat nak, nk bercinta ke haper niih?  Eii..solatlah selalu dear."
"Sy mang tak pernah tinggal solat.  Tapi sy ske gaya mba gitu.  Sangat personaliti." Aiikk..bahasa pertuturan amende tuuh..dalam hatiku saja.
"Sy lihat byk skali novel mba.  Mba sgt hebat di mata saye."
"Sy sudah terangkan yg sy bukan mude lagi nak.  Dan ramai lagi penulis dg novel lebih banyak daripada beta. And I'm much older than you sonny!"
Two day after that.
"Yeah..itu yg sering saya fikirkan.  kerana angka spt tak menyentuh mba."
"Maksud sy, mba punya aura yg begitu hebat skali, di usia ini mba masih kelihatan sangat muda."
Aku terkedu.  Rasa sayu terharu pun ada.  Tapi ikhlas ke. he heh
"Awak suke sy macam mana dik?"
One hour after that.
"Sy sgt menyanjung mba. Sgt minat mba.  Mba sangat hebat di mata sy."

"Yeah..perlu ke mba terima kasih.  Takpe laa terima kasih nak.  Tp slpas ni panggillah bunda ya?"
Di situ bicara kami berakhir.
Disagreed kot!
In a way, it's kinda assuaging.  But at times, I feel like.. such an ungrateful dullard plus lotsa idiot.  Pity that innocent boy.
Then recently, I received another message from him.  With another love poem attached to it.  For the first time I really sifted tru his poem and grow to love every verses.  God he's such a poet laureate! It was a beautiful poem and how I wish I can turn myself to be  a sweet seventeen so that I could respond freely to such  lovely rhymes. Respond to him too   ;)
Below, there's a note.  I felt a quiver running thru my spine reading it.
"Mba, kite terpisah lautan yg bukan kecil utk ku renangi.  Salahkah jika sy brperasaan spt itu pd mba krn bukannya sy akan sbrangi ke sana buat menganggu atau mndekati hidup mba. Bisakan bercinta begini.  tiada yg rugi dan tiada satu apa yg bisa trjejas.  ianya indah mba, perasaan itu mang indah jika saja mba mau menelusurnya."
I didn't reply.  But I wish I cud paste the poem in my FB for it's a divine beauty  but via other's FB that poem cud easily catch his eyes regardless of the fact that I   have already removed him from my list. 
Dan satu message kuterima dpd dia baru2 ini dan katanya..dan ini I rasa harus I sampaikan pada seluruh wanita di Malaysia.
"Hairan ya mba, sy lihat banyak wanita Malaysia lambat tua.Masih kelihatan muda dilanjut usia mereka."  Satu penghargaan niih.
Yg ini sy replied.
"Sude begitu lanjutkah usia mba padmu dik?"
Mesej balasnya. At night on the same date.
"Owh tak mba.  Jangan salah faham.  Itu sy tujukan pd wanita2 di Malaysia.  Bukan mba.  Mba lain.  Sgt istimewa di hati sy."
Sekarang sy termangu.
Oh yeahh..?  Kalau bukan wanita Malaysia..saya ni wanita apa?  See?  A slight error in your remark already interpreted a funny picture.  So teoriku, dia ni mesti hanya belajar dipesantren.
So I did some search..Giler2 aku cari nama dia.. Look what I found!
Goodness, he's a grad fr.  Universitas Gajah Mada..Dumbstricken that was my condition.
Tp tak taulaa kot dia sj2 tlis.  Byk org buat gitu erkk?

Friday, July 9, 2010

to Hasrul Nizam, Ruler of RepublikN9

lacking imaginativeness is truly an impediment  to any writer.  Hate this kinda obstructions, make me wanna throw aside my PC n notebook.  AND hate the damn bloody stimulus that stimulate the whole phenomenon which brush aside the best element in the head faculty - the so called intuition.  Being trapped  in this sorta occlusion made me realized how foolish I was.  God I was almost at my peak and I destroy it over a worthless sent.....?

Sorry Hasrul, I kedana idea so I copy the simple sajak from my FB and paste it here. Daa janji ngan you kan? enjoy it laa..

sebuah catatan

~season adjoins another
as times arrive and banish from sight
leaving tearfilled eyes, broken heart

can't help but wonder

those who left behind ~

that fate left alive
fagged without soul ~

clambering with adversity
wud they survive..?

~But grief evanesce tardily

so what will I do without you...

with tomorrow.. in distant world

and promises that were led astray

just how could you..?

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Launching a Crusade to battle every obstacle after a decade of hibernation. A New Manuscript jest has to complete its course dis time! [Must.must.must]

Over a year in dilemma and conflict with myself.  With uncertainty of what to become of me.  Every now n then, any physical contact with  the keyboard, wud conjure up dis mental confusion and perplexity. The bitchy attitude n feeling of indolence. Few might guess that dis may result fr. feeling complacent after having ten books. Nay..of course that was scarcely the reason. Just look at Anis Ayuni, Aisya Sofea. Aleyya, Ram or Damya, never give up in writing n writing, one karya after another.  Masses of'em.  They're the genuine writers I reckon. Me?  Fuuh..never mind, sekarang aku nk menulis blek slpas staon jd msia x brguna di novelist arena. Dan kucuba meraikan kegemilangan perubahan attitude trsebut.  Siap dgn notebook, tp sepatah haram pown tak tlis. Mkn pown seciput. xrse hepi pown. tlis title 'Miraj di hatiku'  K'dian back to FB ha ha ha. [2morrow, another crusade, fighting the inner me]

Saturday, May 22, 2010

ILUSI HATI novel KE 9 - BUKU KE 10

Sebuah cinta yg bermula di alam koma di mana Joshua dan Jasmine saling berhubungan setelah ke 2nya terbabit dalam nahas kemalangan yang sama. Sesudah sedar mereka terus bertelepati bahkan terus berhubungan melalui mimpi.  Masing-masing cuba merealisasikan ikrar utk bertemu seandainya sedar.[Kerana tika koma ke 2nya pernah beristikrar utk bertemu di resort Tioman.  Tmpt trsebut ada nostalgia buat Jasmine bersama arwah ayah angkatnya Firdaus]
  Ya mereka bertemu, tp  tanpa menyedari kehadiran masing-masing.  Weirdkan? Gitu juga dengan psaan, masing2 terasa getaran hati masing2 tiap kali kebetulan ada berdekatan, namun mereka gagal menelusuri intuisi sendiri bhw pertemuan mereka sudahpun terlestari tanpa mereka sedari. Alangkah sedih pabila  cinta terhalang  oleh watak oportunis iaitu Marlia yang sanggup berlakon dan mendakwa bahawa  dialah sebenarnya yang bertelepati dengan Joshua bukannya Jasmine.  Walhal Jasmine telah banyak menabur budi padanya.  Gitulah kaum Hawa, sanggup menodai persahabatan demi seorang Adam yg dicintai.  The rest I will leave to you viewers. Find the novel in d nearest book store selg ada.   Sebelum kehabisan. Bye for now sayang-sayangku.  Salamz. {Jangan terkeliru pula bler mndpti Jasmine di btkan Abdullah kern Firdaus hanyalah ayah angkat padanya]

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Again for wannabes, little more tips to get started

If U bump into a person who bought ur piece, then wat's d very 1st remark U'll hear?  Aha..stereotypically, the person'd enunciate, 'Hey..I wanna b a writer 2.  But how ah..?"
Then stereotypically, U too'd be vocalizing  dis very   same conventional answer.
"U jest write lorr..then after  completing 3 or 400 pages U jest send laa  to any publisher U wish, if good, dey'll sure respond 2 U."  Then come this prompt reply from the same respondent, , "Eiiya..I tak reti menulis!"

What the h.. 
We practice and  do that every now and then man!
How'bout assignments? Letters?  Or note[berjela]  to your supreme asking for a day or two off?  Then these nauseating love-letters that can turn one's stomach?  Or composing essays or compositions  for your offsprings when actually the tasks were  supposed to be their intense jobs?  Any editorial intentionally created for intended respondent  is called writing.  Only the material that U write counts!Well..?
Now writing a novel..
Believe me, it's a usual thing.  The beza is nak ker tak nak.  As for me, one or two karya a year or perhaps one really, is the  amplest.
Now a to write them?
First check the interest and taste of reader's category  you wish to focalize.  Focus on one, contoh novel remaja.  Of course commingle with'em'd be the damn best solution.
The first move, pick a subject.
Nak buat citer apa..cinta? misteri? War aftermath?
What U need is appeal to the classification of reader you defined.  For writing actually is communicating.  You transmit your ideas, thoughts and views and the readers receive.  Even thou the respondent considered passive.  But there'd be multiple reactions and provide time-lag, reaksi itu akan anda terima kemudian.  And sure it worth all the enormous  time that U've sacrificed!
Trouble getting started?  Tu biasa..
As for me I love commencing  from the middle of the storyline..then keep flashing back to get to the subject.  Somehow for the beginners, arranging the plot chronologically is more advisable to avoid complication of writer's block.
Jumpa lg..tapi ingat, penstrukturan..yg mana merangkumi tema, perwatakan, latar, teknik penyampaian atau writer's style..semua kena cukup

Now I'm sambungin..wanna make new entry but..afraid whole idea jd  topsy turvy n catastrophic so here it goes..

Kesalahan nahu.
B4 submitting your master piece - ha ha- edit ur writing khas 2 check on grammatical inconsistencies, kira nahu errorlaa 2.
Some authors ske sgt main anta whilst the correction..?  leave it 2 the editor,
 "Hey..they are paid 4 the job so why kisah.  Important thg  my idea gonna make money 4 d company, I'm a star."  fuuh gila laaH!

As U know the editor alwyz  being stuffed with few manuscripts, bukan you sorang punyer jerr..  Sometimes more than that.  What d'U expect?  The company kne kejar dateline apatah lg com. yg mmg menerbitkan specific number of books 4 specific time, troklah editor..they're human too and human errs..  So try to review d error, analyze'em so that in future U won't repeat the same kebendulan.  jadi lebih pandai.. Kalau bley tandakan merah so that u can skim thru  them adios again - kte jumpa lg[kalau nk jumpa!] we'll discuss 'bout plotting plakk..Not interested..? x per..I'll still do it!

Today 9 April..feel like continuing.  Who knows, kot ad yg mampu menyerap psiko I.
so..heres some basic pattern yg common for novel writing.  Pd I pattern tu sinonim plot jugalaa. Hope my doctrine is correct. ha ha
Let's forget the complicated pattern n centralize on chronological one.  After all, whole idea is meant for wannabes.
Arrange citer you in proper order so that you'll give the reader the exact sequence. Hubungkait step by step by providing  logical  connection within plot.  For intance, when discussing about certain bahan, lagi efektif if you and ur reader sama2 trace from the beginning contoh punca terjadi, then  sepanjang the occurrence or the kejadian then, aftermath., implication and consequences.Giving  the accounts of the whole  events from d start,  the developement and finally the consequences of the incident.  The emphasis tentu lbey byk on d  cerita development kerana itu  yg nk dinovelkan.  Kerana skrg penerbit hanya sanggup menerima minimum pages 500 m/surat, better if you don't elongate too much on the cause that generates the event.  That'd limit the space for intipati cerita.  Melengahkan klimaks dan membosankan pembaca yg memang nak tau cerita dgn cepat. Tol tak?  Then the aftermath..make it firm but don't prolong, buat secara yg sungguh mengesankan..Well cubalah! 
Maybe lain penulis lain this is Haiza's trend..Kalau I buat citer sdey..I review dan bygkn I org lain, kalau susah nk kuar air mata, mmg sah tu citer batu[no sentiment], delete jerr or reedit and reedit.   Klu U berhasil menumpahkan air  mata sendiri, that's it - U daa berjaya.  Tp tak taulah klu memang jenis cembeng  sokmo then of course this methode scarcely could b applied.  Hmm... Adios again..

JOM SAMBUNG....!!!!    24th April 2010
Before submitting ur work to any publisher, might it b in hard copy or just thru emailing, I'd advice you again to b cautious of dis complicated task for any editor. Grammatical mistakes amat membosankan editor because this 'shouldn't b happening matter' would only prolong the editing process when there're a lot of other things that must b prioritized, this school job's task is very tiring. Ask any editor. So dun take thing for granted! Kejam tu..

So sift thru you work several times, take any amount of time you need , nobody is forcing you a dateline if you commence on d project b4 schedule.

There's a method here if you are keen on following, psychoanalyze what type of errors you alwez trapped urself into, next time you'll b alerted not to repeat them. Alah bisa tegal biasa. Cayeelaa

Macam I sendiri, I selalu trtulis sayang sbgi sayagn, yang sbg yagn dan diplomatik I tertulis dogmatik - so mula2 I cr benda2 ney dulu dan repair. Then br yg lain pulakk. Tu maknanya mengenalpasti kelemahan lazim kita..Got that..? Sbnarnya byk tp 'you fikirlah sendiri'

I bg contoh sedikit and the do it. So do the sifting a number of time before turrning over ur master piece..

I wanna discuss about plotting some more since they're more important to some novelist rather than d storyline itself but I've to go see U next time klu berminat..

Oops.. lupa plakk.. nahu ney sgt penting dlm tiap conversation in any novel.

I pernah terbaca..kritikan K.Wynn di mana seorg novelis created a chapter di mana seorg profesional sedang berbual dgn respondennya by employing kata-kata yg langsung tak sesuai dgn kriteria si pewatak yg diuarkan sebagai seorang profesional.

So plez take note of this simple mistake..

Friday, February 26, 2010

Murder/Homicide! own friend, an old buddy was the victim...?

Since the crack of dawn to sunrise, I was at a loss of what to do.  really no specific agenda for d whole day.  Total zilch!!!  So..I jest sat down crippled and glanced out the window mused, thinking and reflecting hard. The cause..yeahh, old buddy Ganasegaran!
Last nite this old friend Ganasegaran  who's now an owner of a law firm rang me up. Somehow I did enjoy chatting with him 'bout our olden  schooldays.  Sweet..sweet memories and bak kata Gana 'those were the days - unforgettable days..happy innocent years'
He's doing pretty well and  now driving a chevrolet as one of his automobile.  Aku mmg sgt baik dgn dia dulu. Bler putus cinta, diluahkannya rasa kecewa menunggengnya pd aku..ha offense eh Gana..?
Another quite close  friend Abtar Singh, alwez handsome with or without his turban [do I spell it right?] mengejutkan aku when Gana broke the news that he died of fatal injury  in car accident.  Terkasima aku! Pergi sudah rupanya dia...!

And amid bicara, Gana delivered another shocking news 'bout a violent death of a very close friend of mine name Shinto Kaur - Was a sad and distressing story to ponder for she was murdered by her own hubby who was a doctor, can you imagine?  The nasty part was, according to rumors the hubby was having an affair with their maid.  Not sure whether dia  filipino or an Indon. Eiiya..truly made me sick!
Know something?
Me, Shinto Kaur and Ah Yoke during school years were known as muhibbah trio.  We were very close  .  Aargh..alangkah sedehnya cerita ney..victimized and prosecuted  by own husband!

Few days ago K.Wynn emailed me not to be harsh on Hema for she's inexorably this 'dependent on husband' type of wife. kata K.Wynn tak kiralah suami dia seorang keparat.  Sorrylerr K.Wynn for blocking the anonymous commentory. So U x dpt masuk and had to email me instead. I already let in the anonymous comment semula because of you. The other day, one dumb idiot slot in sampah stuff in the comment section tu sebab I trpksa blok.
I'll grant ur wish and'll call Hemlatha shortly after this.  I pray her husband taklah sampai perform the same evil doing to her. He got that bitching temper kecually ngan his  illegitimate wife and kids.  Benci btol aku!
Manalah anak2 dia nak mengadu nanti..Argh.. I almost reduced to tears already. 
Now thinking back 'bout cerita Gana sent tremors to my trembled spine.  Make me chilled with unknown fears.  I'm worry.  More worried than I dare to admit.
What with all these people nowadays?  Are they running out of rationale and conscientiousness? Can't they reason with their own evil sentiment and those bad element in their intoxicated inebriated  head? Tak ada agama ke? Or religion's jest another scrap of culture to them?  God help me...!

Duhai ibu bapa,,tak kira bangsa dan agama..didiklah anak2 agar berakhlak mulia, patuh pd agama dan etika kehidupan.  Dan buat Muslim dan Muslimat, didik anak2 sedari kecil dengan solat yg difahami maknanya.  Biar solat itu jadi benteng memelihara elemen insaniah dan prikemanusiaan dalam diri mereka..Contohilah bapa mithali Luqman Hakim yg sentiasa menasihati anak2nya..  Amin!

Oh Tuhan..aku sendiri tak tau bagaimana hendak mendoakan roh kawan baikku Shinto Kaur.  Engkau sajalah Yang  Maha Tahu.. Engkau yg memiliki ilmu yang tiada permulaan dan tiada pengakhirannya.  Maha Suci Engkau ya ALLAH Azza Wajalla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dari Haiza Najwa

Saturday, January 30, 2010

HEMLATHA - Devoted, devout or plain idiotic?

A query –
Is this a rarity or just another excruciating reality which is gradually happenin’ in today’s scenario? Now.. listen -  and see what we can mess ourselves into…

The name  is Hemlatha.
Just another friend. Even thou I can’t somewhat recollect when we launched our debut tete a tete. But she's this sort of  a lady who get panick stricken easily and whenever such situation crops up, she’d call me and subsequently, we managed ourselves to meet up somewhere. She had this  weird idea that a writer is one sort of badan kebajikan. Well.. it’s okay, really I don’t mind!

This Hema carried quite a heartrending story with her.

It’s a kinda story which made you feel sick or wanna puke many times n it concerned 'bout  the delinquency and d negligence of a person calling himself “a husband” but somehow, very deceptive, deceitful, irrational, unreasonable man who knew nothing of the gist of responsibility let alone to love and care for the wife who had sacrificed everything to the point of breeding his two deserted kids? He hardly spoke to them let alone kissed or hug the still hunger for love’s kids!

I called her Hema. And this woman not once being trodden and trampled by her useless, immoral and worthless good for nothing husband. Paradoxically she still call him husband thou’! Eiiya....makes me sick..

The last time we embarked our serious conversation, she poured everything which seemed to grow eternal- like to me. Oddly enough she seemed taken aback when I handed over few bucks to her cute ‘bout 4 to 5 years old grinning son. This cutie kept on patting my knee asking me to respond to his grinning face. Real cute. Know something..? I alwez ‘ve this funny feeling of compassion or adoration for Indian children, aha..wanna know why? Coz they remind me of my ‘Iman’ during her toddler’s years. She looked like one of them and will voluntarily grin and smile to anyone who come up to her. Till now, her cousins and nieces still ejek her Kamala Iman. Since Iman studied in English kindergarten she could hi hi and respond in English pasar to anyone who aproached her. Well ..enough of the nostalgia. Now back to Hema..

“Say thank U to aunty! Kak, dia tak pernah pegang duit kak. Saya tak ada duit dan husband tak pernah kasi anak duit.” said her to what at first I assumed as  total joke. Later, I was shocked to my stomach!

He’s a real cute boy. Fair skins. Perhaps they’re Malayalam. She did bring her daughter along with her, but that tiny one just ain’t capable of parting from her mom’s lap. Three year’s old and yet, so tiny. The spectacle slightly infuriated me coz, I did keep hoping for my turn to cuddle her too. Ha ha

After about an hour of rattling then she started pouring this hard to believe but true story. At first I was in awe but then, sympathy got through me after seeing her pushing away her tears compulsively. A distressing story about a hubby who don’t give a shit about his wife or his children. In fact beat them unnecessarily each time he got mad over something.

Out of breath I asked her, he.. he surely got reason? Then came this bleeding shit..

Said Hema, few years ago this ‘man?’ brought his illegitimate wife to live with them. Along with their illegal ‘one daughter and two sons’. This ignorant conceited woman only few years younger than Hema herself who’s about thirty.

“Kak, lepas dia datang, he never visited my room. Never patted the kids, never even talked to them nicely just scorns and scoldings now and then. He only sleep with her during these years and always brag to me how better she is compared to me.”

“Proceed!” said I who already choked.

“Then she got a job as amah in the hospital and left the three kids for me to tend. I banyak letih, semua kerja saya buat kak dan dia balik-balik tau marah saja. Dia action dengan saya. Saya hari2 masak banyak. Bila night time, hubby sudah makan dan mandi2 terus masuk bilik dia dan tak peduli saya. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated. She kinda show off that suami lebih sayang dia so dia berani marah2 saya walau pun depan husband dan anak-anak saya. Saya seeedih kaaak..” she gesticulated in sad tone.

Terlalu marah, saya tak tau nak cakap apa .

“Akaak..”geleng lagi stail Indian. “He said I’m stupid. N that  I don't  know how to cook his favourite meal and don’t know how to amuse him in bed..”

Aku ternganga dengar dia cakap cam tu. WHOT THE HELLLL..

Damm..! It was just another snitch from the bloody irresponsible devious man who misinterpreted the exact meaning of the sacred word ‘husband’ but still, dared to label himself as husband whilst not really eligible or entitled to marry any perempuan even a whore sekalipun for his lack of conscientiousness. Well after all, a husband ‘such as him ‘alwez free to create tale after tale. Alasan after alasan’ Might it be right or not, he couldn’t care less, as long as he got to do what he desired d most.

Then she continued with a more shocking sequel. She confessed how her husband never bother to hide his habit of snuggling into that worthless perempuan’s blanket with the door partially and slightly released so that she, Hema could witness the horrid spectacle of him depicting his karmasutra’s skill and other performance on the bed. My.. my.. of all the shameless, barefaced, blatant, unashamed couple! Why couldn’t they just go over to the filthy public toilet and copulated there, then that would be better for blank- headed morons like them! Suit them perfectly!

I cajoled her to stop wheeping, instead put her chin up and “try to stand on your own feet. Get a job somewhere and support yourself and your two kids without having to wait for that man’s stinking bucks. He’s a hopeless brat to rely your whole life for. For heaven sake stop dreaming! For you’ll be deluded even more. Dengar tak Hema?”

Then she wept even harder,

“Tak boleh kaak..” sekali lagi geleng. ”Saya sayang dia banyak. I want him to change, want him to love me back.”

Apa lagi, aku retorted back in anger, “how can he simply love you when he got another one with better arse than you! That was very mean of me. Aku dah mabuk marah. Cakap pun dah sedikit vulgar, but I just couldn’t control my fury. Such a meek behaviour. Meek, meek, meek, meek! She really surrendered herself to be a loser! Too hopelessly devoted to a dumb idiot.

I asked her.

“How old actually are you?”

“Dekat tiga puluh kaaak..” sambil geleng kepala.

“Go find a job and sara yourself. You only have two kids. That makes thing lot easier. If you haven’t the nerve or guts to kill him than, leave him instantly!” Dia buntangkan mata.

“I tak boleh tinggal dia. I sgt sayang dia.”

See? I almost puked hearing those words. How about you, viewers. Menyampah tak?

“Kak tak tau..saya ada anak dua! Susah nak buat apa-apa.”

“Hell I do. When my husband died, he left me with five kids, one in private IPT and another three facing prime exams. Two got through with straight A’s and imagine how much money I have to spare for their education wise and physiology needs? Then another one furthered her studies in the IPTA. As you know, PT is only adequate for their books and fees. And the youngest, still can’t get over the father’s death. There’s this uncountable time I had to witness her comatose on wet soaked mattress for crying her heart out missing her beloved dad.. Next morning only to gaze at those puffy eyes while swallowing my own unending tears. Every nite . Not a single nite missing Hema. How can a mother endured such scene that went on and on for years? Could you? But I’ve to be tough for her. And so do you. For the sake of your two beautiful kids. Don’t give a damn shit about yourself. Not a shit, remember? It’s ur kids should be given priorities to.”

Stunned, she was quiet for few seconds as if swallowing every words or the ‘sad’ story part.. And then when she unwrapped her mouth to continue I ‘Wi Max potong’ her,

“Let me send you back.” almost a command. Ponek dongar. She did obey without hesitant.

For weeks I didn’t hear from her. Then one afternoon she rang me up again.

“Kak bley jumpa?” We set another meeting port.

Till now I still can’t believe thing that she begged and begged me to do for her.

“Bawaklah saya jumpa bomoh kak. Saya nak suami saya sayang saya balik. Sampai sekarang dia tak mau masuk bilik saya.” I stared at her in awe.

“Other than that? Did he hurt your kids?”

To my astonishment she nodded. “And you? Did he penampar or penendang or sepak terajang you too?” again nodded. [What kind of a man she wants to sleep with? Help me God!]

“He hurt your kids, bagi you penampar and you desperately want to see this bomoh for the alasan that he denied any scene on bed with you. Is that it dear Hema?” I spoke so slow not to evoke my own anger.

My kepantangan utama ialah bomoh. To die dlm keadaan syirik paling menggerunkan aku. Simpang dek malaikat 44. Nanti kubur tolak balik body keluar. Mayat terbang sana sini dan orang ingat langsu…. Eii..

“So this bomoh can mend your marriage lah?” really infuriated but still manage to speak modestly to her. My nature anyway. After all that’s the way to speak to mollywood yg sedang mabuk cinta dgn hubby dia. ..Come on everybody, let’s yakk again! This time muntah hijau.

After a serious thinking then I conclude,

“Well then Hema, there’s this bomoh in town. He may be able to solve case like yours just like that. In a split second everything’ll be back to it’s normal self. In a blink of an eye, I promise you.”

“Ya ke kaaak..Saya sangat senang hati.” she really geleng beautifully this time.

And beamed with such pleasure on hearing this splendid news.. Her critical problem gonna be solved in a minute. Yeahh..way to go!

“Kat mana kak rumah bomoh tu kaak? Sapa nama dia?”

“Ohh..ramai, salah sorang ASP Norman. Lagi besar pun ada. Bomoh konstabel pun bersepah.”

“Haah..? Kat mana tu?”

“Balai polis. Jumpa dia orang dan lodge report about your husband’s wrongdoings, particularly to your kids. Consequently the court will decide your rights.”

What..?? She really nganga.

Lepas tu lama aku tak dengar cerita dia. Should she call me up  again, my answer will be the same. So no point of seeing me or me seeing her. Nanti aku muntah hijau lagi dengar cerita laki dia tak nak masuk bilik dia. Anak lebam-lebam pun tak apa as long as the hus’banned’ embraced her. What a real anecdote it was. Sakitnya hati aku.. laki macam tu dibunuh lagi baik. Suka plak tunjuk wayang free ngan orang lain kat bini sendiri.

Now another story.. lagi best..

An Indian policewoman, another friend. Rang me. Tak nak bg tau nama. Kalau she views this blog abes aku. She wanted to pinjam money. Not much she said, just 500 bucks. Yeah right..not much..

You know what I told her..?

“You’re a policewoman and seems to me, you’re the exact person to ask for help. You go meet this boy in uniform ..[I gave her the name and address of the boy’s mertua, dekat deretan kedai di Batu Kikir.], asked from him my bucks that he still owing me. After two years he only paid me $1150 than vanished with the remainder $1950.00. That’s the address of his mertua. If U managed to get the money we split into half, you setengah dan I setengah. No need to pay back. Prove your credibility.” Till now never heard of her again Neither that boy.. Que’s jest money anyway. Not much somehow... But friend such as that..? Just condone. Plenty more coming!


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I receive a call from friends, wanting to see me badly. Many many years tak jumpa. Old friends. But I don’t really wanna talk ‘bout hims and hers. That’s too ‘biasa’. But this particular chap almost my age gave remark about my appearance which was kononnya sangat-sangat serious [perhaps what he really wanna say was that I looked grim or dismal..or ..gloomy? was the better word] Then again he commented that I only talked sepatah-sepatah. Such subdued personality..Like someone’s enmeshed in quandary.{Eii..Was he really in desperate need of altercation..??? Dah tak sayang nyawa?] Out of intuition, I retorted back if what he meant having menantu had changed me, was that it? And yes, ‘that’ – really made him chuckled non stop. Privately, that was the issue in his head. Baloney. Yeah..he might have vieved my blog . Well.. some people assumed having menantu is a pain in the neck. But how to feel pain when Ur not even under the same roof with your menantu? What an anecdote totally it was !

I’ll survive the ordeal if the ordeal refers to suffering or torment because none of ‘em was virtually what I went through. The tenets that menantu and in law can’t get along is extraneous now. Issue yg dah on the periphery lah! Correct?

And one little lady asked me why I paste an empty bridal dais in my blog? Ha ha ha ha! No that I’m drained of snapshot but the bridal suite was so beautifully designed by a friend named FAEZAH of N Andaman and my way of showing gratitude and gratefulness is by forwarding to everyone’s view of her fastidious effort and perhaps after this she’ll be showered with unlimited response and I’m sure glad if I became one of the stimulus that fuelled to her business affluence.

Hmm.. pasal muka serius? – Well this grave look ada touching menouching dengan rasa bosan menulis yg tak abes-abes. That is sobering enough! Tak tau nak buat apa, just biding my time tearing the roads sana sini looking for inspirations which rather scarce nowadays and quite a rarity to my fatigued exhausted brain which once upon a time dulu, always overflowed with ideas. Ermm...somehow hati ini still relentlessly yearning to maintain the aura of a writer who never drained of stimulation . Now and then... spot scant way to battle against this negative me! And this, surely is hampering and thwarting any effort to conclude all my ‘halfly done’ manuscript. Tak sampai half pun actually..Ermm.. a real terrifying prospect….Ada dua tiga..tergendala. Make me asphyxiated of distraught n geram.. Huh..sampai bila gaknyer eh..

 am I that grim. depressed?? Just watch me smiling from ear to ear. Scared ha you? Ha ha, I’m a contented mother of 5 also, an okay mother in law, mind you! Somehow.. Undeniably a miserable writer..sob..sob