DON’T BE LIKE ME
What I WISH to tell you all, may sound very common to others. But as for me, it was real heartbreaking for a mother. A sheer act of ignorance and of course ‘selfishness’ is the best interpretation. Decide yourself viewers, how you wish to define or translate.
Whether you would accuse me of being braggart, showing off or whatever, you have all the rights by all means! But do, read this first!
Here is a good example of a mother who is damn selfish and of course, ignorant! For throughout my life, before this, not even once I tried to share or explored my youngest daughter’s dreams or ambition, or what she wished to become in her future. Why? Because she’s the most loved baby of mine! Any ambition would means a career. And having a career would mean, she could be pulled away from my side.
I'm probably not as concerned as my late husband about the children’s welfare, education-wise. In fact, I was less concerned about myself too. I was kind of complacent Malay woman. A kinda category that would always be satisfied with what she has. And to me, showering them with love was more important. Surpassed everything else including their education. So, I let them did as they please.
I wasn't that all in and out about my children's education , since my concern was more on providing them with love, cares and other material needs. Tuition-wise, I'd send them if they wish me to do so and hardly would forced them should they opt not to attend them. But fate was beautiful and most of them were always eager to learn. And beautiful still was the fate, when most of them managed to get straights A's for their prime exams and each one of them made it to the ivory towers. One of them even ‘lompat kelas’
It’s so happened that when my husband demised. I got too close with the youngest. I treated her overly until she became too spoiled. As consequence, she never appreciated the money or things given to her , even when it came to food. She’s showered lavishly. And makan-wise, only savor on special menus. But I like her principle, which is, never trust anyone else other than me the loving momma!
She would sleep in my arms otherwise she could not sleep, despite being 12 years of age! And eating , I still spoonfed her! She never did her school works either. But never did I nag or bother her in return. If I had to go anywhere might it be out of the country or outstation, I would never hesitate to bring along her. Even that would mean she had to skip classes for so many days. God! I didn't want her to be so successful afraid she might go far to further her studies. Or for other opportunities held for her.
Now, it’s standard 6
Once she asked me, momm aren’t you going to send me for tuition? My result are hell worst.”
I told her, it’s okay with me if there was anybody willing to send her to and fro the tuition premises since I ‘m myself is very busy. I wouldn't mind paying extra amount should there be anyone interested to carry out that task for me. She retorted, "it does not matter, since the school also provides tuition." So things went on as usual. Like the conversation never occurred.
In the meantime she was often called by her teachers for truancy, and she rarely did her home works. Even myself was being contacted and asked by her teacher to observe her studies and school works . As you could guess, I did not really bother. And just let that incident passed . Wasn't that important anyway. After all, we would surely part if she pandai sangat!
But one or two months before her UPSR I noticed she never missed her additional class and tuition at school. Although she hardly hold a book when at home. She told me, her teachers methode of teaching were getting more and more interesting. I dengar tak dengar saja.
But on the first day of UPSR’s exam, before climbing down the car to sit for her first day exam she said in a trembling voice
"Mom, can you pray for me. I'm afraid if I can’t get thru this exam. But I already did the solat hajat and doa. . Pray for my success momm please?" She said that many times as she grasped my hand so tightly. She really was scared!
I was dumbfounded, and so nodded. Because to be honest, I scantily prayed for her to achieve well in her exam other than praying for her good life and health and to be a good Muslim. As for her UPSR, langsung tak terjamah doaku!
So while driving home, I was weeping so badly, everytime her pleading voices touches my eardrum again and again. Then only I realized that I was wrong, was ignoring her in the UPSR focus. Realized the damage I had done.
Ever since that moment and day, I would be tearful and kept weeping when my impulse recalled all those words she said. God, if it is just too late, how I wished semalam menjadi milikku semula .
SO TODAY, this morning while I was waiting for the results of the UPSR, I grabbed the hands of one of the teacher, the one my daughter really sayang and told her that I was afraid she could not make it. and yes, I couldnt ’t help my tears from dripping. I wept infront of her. I wasn't afraid of her being a flunk. But afraid she would blame me for years, for not putting much interest in her study.
But GOD IS GREAT, to my shock, her name was second to be announced as achiever of the stunning result!!
I'm speechless! Flabbergasted!!
God I screamed dgn muka tak malu kat org lain and ran to her seat. Seeing her face wet with tears I rasa nak pitam and at that time, I noticed who she really was in my eyes, the most shining 'mutiara dari laut plg dalam' . She’s the most beautiful, most spoiled, most soothing to my heart. And I LOVE HER TO THE DEEPEST ABYSS IN MY HEART.
GOD she had succeeded! Succeed with the permission of God, the greatness of her trained teachers and on her own. And my very small portion of prayers. .
I'm ashamed of it! Ashamed for not being a part of her phenomenal success, or WAS I….
Please all mothers out there..dun be like me!