please don't be an ignorant mother

DON’T BE LIKE ME




What I WISH to tell you all, may sound very common to others. But as for me, it was real heartbreaking for a mother. A sheer act of ignorance and of course ‘selfishness’ is the best interpretation. Decide yourself viewers, how you wish to define or translate.

Whether you would accuse me of being braggart, showing off or anything, please.by all means, but do read first!

For today, I just want to provide you all with a good example of a mother who is damn selfish and of course, ignorant! For you know, not even once I ever tried to feel or explore my youngest daughter’s dreams or ambition, or what she wished to be in her future. Why? Because she’s the most loved baby of mine!

I'm probably not as concerned as my late husband about the children’s welfare, education-wise. In fact, I was less concerned about myself too. I was kind of complacent Malay in this kinda category that would satisfy with what's   around. And to me, showering them with love was more important. The rest I let them did as they please.

I wasn't that all in and out about my children's education too, since my concern that time was more on providing them with love, cares and other material needs. Tuition-wise, I'd send them if they wish me to do so and hardly would force should they opt not to have any. But fate was beautiful and most of them were always eager to learn. And beautiful still was the fate, when most of them managed to get straights A's in their prime exam and each one made it to the ivory towers. One of them even ‘lompat kelas’

It’s so happened that when my husband demised. I got too close with the youngest. I treated her overly until she became too spoiled. As consequence, she never appreciated the money or things given to her , even when it came to food. She’s showered lavishly. And makan-wise, only savor on special menus and her principle, never trust anyone other than me the loving momma!

She would sleep in my arms otherwise she won’t fall asleep, despite being 12 years of age! And eating , I still spoonfed her! She never did her schools works, but never did I nag or bother her in return. If I had to go anywhere might it be out of the country or outstation, I would bring along her. Even though she had to skip class for many days. God! I didn't want her to be so successful in her studies afraid she might go far to further her studies. Or for other opportunities.

Now, it’s standard 6

Once she asked me, momm aren’t you going to send me for tuition? My result are worst.”

I told her, it’s okay with me  if there is anybody  willing to send her to and fro the tuition premises since I ‘m busy. I won’t mind paying any amount  should there be anyone interested to carry out that task for me. She retorted, "it does not matter, since the school also provides tuition." So things went on as usual.

In the meantime she was often called by her teachers for truancy, and she rarely did her homeworks. I myself was even called and asked by her teacher to observe her studies and school works a little. As you can guess, I did not really bother. And just let that passed . Wasn't that important anyway. After all, we wud surely part if she pandai sangat!

But one or two months before her UPSR I noticed she never missed her additional class and tuition at school. Although she hardly hold a book when at home. She told me, her teachers methode of teaching were getting more and more interesting. I dengar tak dengar saja.

But on the first day of UPSR’s exam, before climbing down the car to sit for her exam she said in a trembling voice

"Mom, can you pray for me. I'm afraid if I can’t get thru this exam. But I already did the solat hajat and doa. . Pray for my success momm please?" She said that many times as she grasped my hand so tightly. She really was scared!

I was dumbfounded, and so nodded. Because to be honest, I scantily prayed for her to achieve well in her exam other than praying for her good life and health and to be a good Muslim. As for her UPSR, langsung tak terjamah doaku!

So while driving home, I was weeping so badly, everytime her pleading voices touches my eardrum again and again. Then only I realized that I was wrong, was ignoring her in the UPSR focus. Realized the damage I’ve done.

Ever since that moment and day, I would be tearful and weep when my impulse recalled all those words she said. God, if it is just too late how I wish’ semalam menjadi milikku semula .

SO TODAY, this morning while I was waiting for the results of the UPSR, I grabbed the hands of one of the teacher, the one my daughter really sayang and told her that I was afraid she could not make it. and yes, I can’t help my tears from dripping. I almost wept infront of her. I wasn't afraid of her being a flunk. But afraid she would blame me for years for not putting  much interest in her education.

But GOD IS GREAT, to my shock, her name was second to be announced as achiever of the stunning result!!

I'm speechless! Flabbergasted!!

God I screamed dgn muka tak malu kat org lain and ran to her seat. Seeing her face wet with tears I rasa nak pitam and at that time, I noticed who she really was in my eyes, the most shining 'mutiara dari laut plg dalam' . She’s the most beautiful, most spoiled, most soothing to my heart.  And I LOVE HER TO THE DEEPEST ABYSS IN MY HEART.

GOD she had succeeded! Succeed with the permission of God, the greatness of her trained teachers and on her own. And my very small portion of prayers. .

I'm ashamed of it! Ashamed for not being a part of her phenomenal success, or WAS I….

Please all mothers out there..dun be like me!